BACKSTABBING - "YOU TOO BRUTUS"

Backstabbing friends are a part of life, and the act itself happens to nearly everyone at some point in life. The betrayal of a trusted friend or colleague inflicts pain and hurt.

People who backstab tend to be "insecure, vindictive, revengeful, deceitful, conniving, resentful, and angry.” 

Behaving like your best friend with smiles, a helpful attitude, and promises of loyalty and trustworthiness, the backstabber waits for the right moment and then turns on you with a vengeance. From stealing projects at work to stealing friends, the backstabber’s ways are manipulative as she uses low-ball tactics that make you appear to be a liar, a thief or someone not to be trusted.

Why People Backstab

Reasons why people backstab others range from cowardice to a need for power. The sole purpose of backstabbing is gaining the upper hand and garnering power. 

One of the most famous examples of backstabbing comes from ancient Rome where Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times by members of the Senate and his friend, Marcus Junius Brutus. As the blows fell from Brutus’ dagger, Caesar’s last words, “You too Brutus?” underscore the disbelief he had that a friend could backstab him.

Backstabbing at Work

It is far easier to understand why co-workers or colleagues revert to backstabbing antics rather than a friend. Colleagues wish to gain notice from superiors and put themselves in position for advancement. Backstabbing in the office is a scheme to make you look bad and the backstabber appear better. Lies and deception are the tools of a backstabbing coworker on a mission to prove how inept you are at your job.

There are many ways people backstab others at work. After completing a group project, one person may complain to a superior about how difficult it was to work with the group and that so-and-so lacked focus. By criticizing other people, the backstabber feels better about herself. Backstabbing may be nothing more than idle gossip about you to other co-workers. Using every occasion to bring attention to your faults or weaknesses is a mean-spirited tactic. Offering to complete a project or task assigned to another coworker is one such tactic. Although it makes the backstabber look good temporarily, in the long run, the backstabber will lose the confidence of her peers.

How to Deal With Backstabbing

Learning how to deal with backstabbing is important in order to move on. Dealing with a backstabber at work requires a different strategy than dealing with manipulative friends.

Backstabbers at work 

As soon as you realize that a coworker is backstabbing you, think carefully before you act. Choose which battles to fight, keeping in mind that you do not want to revert to the same behind-the-back tactics.

* Find evidence of the backstabbing. Perhaps a friend in the office will vouch for you.

* Prove false accusations wrong. Record projects with dates and times to prove that they are indeed yours.

* Finally, confront the backstabber and be prepared to back up every point you make with evidence.

* Another way to deal with backstabbers is to beat them at their own game without actually backstabbing. Instead of confronting your nemesis, turn her into your best friend. The saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” rings true in this case.

* A group of coworkers who admire your work and respect you will go a long way toward safe-guarding your reputation.

* Work harder than ever before. Make every deadline, dot every “I” and cross every “T” leaving no error or room for mistakes and misunderstandings. Go above and beyond the call of duty. Come in early and stay late. Prove your worth to the company, pulling the legs right from under a backstabber.

* In a soft tone of voice alert the backstabber to the fact that you know what’s going on. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into an argument. Listen to what he says and then leave the situation alone. The fact that you know what’s up may be enough to stop the backstabbing.

* Remember how the tip of a virtual knife feels and stand up for others at work or in your circle of friends that may be experiencing the slash of a backstabber.

* Do not offer too much information too soon. Keep your private life private at work and when meeting new people.

* Finally, do not resort to the very tactics used on you. No matter how appealing revenge looks, lowering yourself to the level of low-ball tactics puts you in the same league as the backstabber.

If all else fails, ask for a transfer to another department, a different location, or seek employment elsewhere.

No one wants to feel the betrayal of backstabbing best friends or colleagues. It does happen and when it does make certain that you are prepared to deal with the backstabber in an appropriate manner. For friends it may come down to cutting them out of your life. You will not have that option in the workplace. Finding ways to live with the backstabber or remove yourself from the situation. 

A good quote to live by comes from Renaissance clergyman and poet George Herbert, 

“Living well is the best revenge". 

"ஒரு கண்ணில் தூங்கிடு 

  மறு கண்ணை திறந்திடு 

  ஓய்வாக படுப்பது 

  அது கல்லறையில் கிடைப்பது 

  எங்கேயும் வருகிறான் 

  எமனாகத் தொடர்கிறான் 

  முகம் மாற்றி அலைகிறான் 

  என் கண்கள் பார்த்தால் மறைகிறான் 

  அவன் முந்துவானா  இல்லை நான் முந்துவேனா ....?"

                                                                      - நா.முத்துக்குமார்